Food and Sex

I wish I had a Tempurpedic, so that I could place food on my bed next to me without worrying about a spill. I like eating on my bed because it is a comfortable location in which it is socially acceptable to be nude. If you are naked anywhere else, and someone sees you, they will be like "What the fuck?"--unless they were a dirty hippie, in which case they would hit on me and suggest some sort of "gang bang" and then I would have to kill him because I am NOT a homosexual-- Except in the bathroom. But that's not a good place to eat. 

Have you ever tried eating while having sex? I haven't. I would think it to be phenomenal, since it combines the two best things in the world. What do people really live for, aside from eating and sexing? 

Here is a list of the best foods in the world:

• BACON
• fried chicken
• sirloin steak (extra rare. there has to be blood)
• lunchables
• babies*

*You may think it is wrong to eat babies, but think of it this way: if you are eating them while having sex then its ok because its like recycling. Just be sure to ditch the condom. I personally would not use a condom so that my partner could get pregnant, so that the bitch can have an abortion. Then I could really feast.

Abortion

So, theres turmoil on the home-front. And the battle is over the woman's right to choose, or the baby's right to live. Right-winged Evangelists believe that God (is real and) gave you a baby, so goddammit you're gonna have that baby whether you like it or not, even if it takes nine months out of your life and leaves stretch-marks and you can't afford to take care of it and if you give it up for adoption you will pine for its heart forever! And dykey feminist liberals are too busy growing their armpit hair and trying to be men to have children, and they believe that there more important than all other people, so they don't have to have the baby, but lesser sissy women can pop a few out if they want.

Personally, I believe that everyone should get an abortion, whether they want one or not. Here's why:

a. Umm helloooo! Earth is over-populated! Too many Chinese people!

b. Abortion is good for your uterus. It's a great way to to deep-cleanse your lady parts; far more effective than douching.

c. Babies suck. They cry all night and poop and pee and when they come out, they ruin the vagina, and then, just in case that wasn't enough, they ruin the titties too! Tit-ties.

d. People suck! And in case you haven't noticed, babies turn into people. Babies=People. Get it? Which brings us back to point a. Too many Chinks!